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Cringing in a Library: Never Using Public Computers Again!

August 6, 2010 in Blogging, On Writing, Social/Political Commentary, Study

So get this.  I came into town today to catch up with a friend who is going to be moving interstate for work — again.  After a Whopper Meal, I decided to go to the public library to get some studying done and do some much needed writing.

Anyway, I thought the library would be a good place to study, but it’s not turning out that way.

On the one hand I am having an email chat with a friend who tells me that her boss is getting her to book an all-gay cruise for him (not that there’s anything wrong with that).  Nice.

On the other hand I am trying to ignore a skanky woman (probably mid-30s) sitting in front of a nearby computer coughing her lungs out.  It’s not even occasional or sporadic — it’s freaking constant.  And the few times I have turned to catch a glimpse I could see the spit flying everywhere.  There’s no tissue, no handkerchief — not even a hand to cup the saliva.  The monitor is starting to look like a window on a rainy day.  I don’t even want to think about the keyboard.

An old librarian dude with a limp just staggered up to her and said: “Excuse me, are you feeling okay?  Shouldn’t you be going home?”

“I’m fine,” she said.

“Shouldn’t you be going home when you’re coughing like that?”

“No,” she said.  “We’re moving house.”

“But coughing like this…this is a library…you are disturbing the others.”

“Don’t worry, it’s not contagious.  It’s just a smoker’s cough.  I’m a bad smoker.  It’s not going to infect anyone.”

The librarian looked at her screen.  “Can’t you do this at home?”

“No.  I’m playing my game.”

That’s when I noticed what was on her monitor — a Facebook game.  I’m not making any of this up.

“A game?  You’re playing a game?”

“Yes, and you are disturbing me.”  She then turned back to the game, but not before she coughed some more, this time in the librarian’s face.

“Oh, okay,” the librarian said and walked away, dejected.

Her phone just rang.  The ring tone is loud enough to startle a deaf person.  “Hello?” she screamed, flipping it open.  “What?  What do you want?  I’m at the library!”

[PS: by the way I typed all of this up on my laptop]

Movie Review: Cairo Time (2009)

August 5, 2010 in Movie Reviews

Last night I went to see a screening of Cairo Time for my university newspaper (for which I am doing reviews).  I had no idea what the film was about except it was a romance-drama set in modern Cairo.  I’ve always wanted to visit Egypt, but I’ve never been a huge fan of romances, so my feelings and expectations were somewhat mixed.  There were only 6 people in the theatrette (and half of them were likely guests of the reviewers), so clearly anticipation for this film is not huge.

As it turned out, Cairo Time was brutal.  I don’t remember the last time I checked my watch so many times during a 90-minute film.

Directed and written by Canadian filmmaker Ruba Nadda, Cairo Time tells the story of a middle-aged woman named Juliette (Patricia Clarkson), who travels to Cairo to meet her husband Mark, a refugee camp worker for the UN.  However, after she arrives she discovers that he is still stranded in Gaza, and consequently has to find ways to pass the time.  Enter Tareq (Alexander Siddig), a local ex-police officer and old friend of her husband, who has retired and can spend lots of time with her.

And so begins an unusual courtship filled with plenty of lovely walks through the beautiful streets of Cairo and along its various landmarks; long, wistful glances and small, intimate moments.  Will they or won’t they?  Should they or shouldn’t they?  Do we even care?

In my case, the answer was a clear and firm no.

I can definitely see why some people would appreciate this film.  After all, Cairo is a wonderful city, and Cairo Time captures the beauty of the place with its wide, cinematic shots — on the Nile, across the desert, in the mosques, with the pyramids, and so forth.  It was like a marketing campaign for Egyptian tourism (though I wonder why there were no tourists to be seen anywhere, including at the Sphinx and the pyramids).  On top of that, there are some terrific yet subtle insights into Egyptian culture, such as their attitudes towards women, religion and poverty.  There is an abundance of quiet moments of reflection and contemplation where the two perfectly acted leads stare into each other’s eyes with yearning and passion.  There is a grand orchestral score interlaced with local music.  It’s all about mood and the emotional complexities of living in a foreign and unfamiliar land.  If that’s your cup of tea then this is the film for you.

Unfortunately, that type of stuff doesn’t get me going at all.  Cairo Time, for me, is essentially a white middle-aged woman’s boring holiday in Cairo.  We follow her around the streets.  We see a few landmarks.  She meets a few people.  She talks to some of them.  She spends some alone time with a local man.  They connect for some reason (as if we didn’t see that coming).  The end.

There is virtually no plot, no action, no suspense, no tension (apart from the sexual kind — and even that was fleeting).  Nothing happens.  It took 40 minutes (I know because I was looking at my watch) for the first meaningful event to take place, and when it did I thought, thank goodness, something is finally going to happen.  And then, like a fart in a storm, it was gone, and back we went to sitting alone in the hotel room and wandering the streets.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with a slow pace and not every film has to be action packed — but please, at least make it interesting, intriguing or compelling to watch.

The main problem for me was that there was nothing to look forward to in this film.  It was so important for the audience to care about and invest emotionally in the relationship between Juliette and Tareq — but all I was thinking of was how awful these two people were.  Why would I want this woman (who appears to have a different outfit every single day) to cheat on her supposedly loving husband while he is saving refugees for the UN?  Why would I want this man to crack onto the wife of a dear old friend?  But at the same time, part of me was thinking — well, at least something will happen!

Anyway, you may have gathered I was not in love with this film.  And so you can imagine my utter disbelief when I discovered that Cairo Time had won “Best Canadian Feature Film” at the 2009 Toronto International Film Festival.  And to rub salt into the wound, it had received generally positive reviews from critics, who thought it was “delightful”.  But I stand by my opinion of this film.  Technically it may have had some merit, but to be perfectly honest, it bored me to death.

1.5 stars out of 5

Cairo Time opens across Australia on 19 August 2010

The Depressing World of Publishing

August 4, 2010 in Novel, On Writing

I’m back into the swing of things with my writing course, which has so far been extremely satisfying and enjoyable (for the most part).  Two of my subjects this term are editing and writing feature articles, both aspects of writing I’m really looking forward to.  The classes this first week have been small (less than 10, though a lot of people who were supposed to be there didn’t rock up) — and about 50% of students are ex-lawyers!  That says it all, doesn’t it?

Anyway, it was interesting and depressing to learn about how difficult it is to crack into the publishing world and how difficult it is to stay there once you make that breakthrough.  It’s hard, it’s rough, and for the vast majority, little money to be made (especially in a small market place like Australia).

For starters, most big publishing houses these days don’t accept unsolicited manuscripts.  They just don’t have time for slush piles, 99% of which is unpublishable drivel anyway (or so they say).  That means you need a literary agent, but not many agents accept people who have never been published.  Does that even make sense?  You can’t publish unless you can get an agent but you can’t get an agent unless you’re published.

Secondly, publishing has evolved into an industry where it’s all about making money.  Gone are the days where commercial fiction is used to prop up the literary fiction that generally don’t make any money.  If your book is unlikely to sell, then chances are the publisher won’t even consider it.  It could be a masterpiece, but if there is no market for the book, it’s unlikely the book will see the light of day.

There are some boutique publishers these days more willing to take on unknown writers and literary fiction writers, but the money to be made there is very small (clearly not enough to live off) and their budget for advertising/promotion etc will obviously be a lot more limited.  But at least there’s a chance.

Thirdly, and relatedly, it’s hard to keep books on the shelves these days with the increasingly accurate counting of book sales (thanks to systems such as Bookscan).  Bookscan essentially tabulates real sales from most bookstores across Australia (I’m sure there are similar systems across the world) into an exact, concrete figure.

This is important because back in the old days it was easier for publishers to inflate the success of their writers by manipulating the numbers.  For instance, you may print 5,000 books in your first run, and 4,000 of them are sold to bookstores.  The publisher might then say you sold 4,000 books, which is technically true — but of those 4,000, perhaps only 2,000 are sold from the stores, with the rest returned.  Now, there’s no hiding the truth.  If you sold 163 copies, you sold 163 copies.

So if you finally managed to get that first book published but it sold poorly, your chances of getting a second book published becomes that much harder.  You can’t even go to another publisher and lie about the success of your first book because they’ll have all the numbers right there in front of them.

Fourthly, and also related, is the fact that books don’t stay on the shelves for very long.  New titles that don’t perform well are pulled off the shelves within 3 months.  3 months!  How does that even give people a chance?  How can you build any momentum, any word of mouth?  It may take 3 months just for some people to read the book!

The need to make money out of every book on the shelf as become a recurring nightmare for aspiring authors.  That’s why we have the vicious cycle of the same books remaining on the bestsellers lists every week — you know, the Stieg Larssons, the Stephenie Meyers, the JK Rowlings and the Dan Browns — because these books are proven sellers.  People tend to gravitate to what’s “hot”, what everyone else is reading.  Hence instead of bringing in new books, book stores prefer to stock new versions (often just different sizes and covers) of existing titles to freshen them up a bit — the best example I can think of are the movie-tie-in versions and the Twilight red page-edge versions.

Let’s face it, the chances of becoming one of those superstar authors mentioned above are a hundred million to one.  Those guys can live (well, except for Larsson because he’s dead) off the sales of one book for the rest of their lives.  For everyone else, they’ll have to keep writing.

The advances on royalties for new authors in Australia are excrutiatingly small.  Essentially what they do is make a prediction of how many books you will sell, and then multiple that by 10% of the price of the book.  So if the book costs $30 and they think you will sell 2,000 copies, then your advance is $6,000.  Considering the book may have taken you 10 years to write, that’s not a lot of money.  And if the book ends up selling more than 2,000 copies, then each additional copy sold will earn you 10% in royalties.

The problem is, in a small market such as Australia, selling around 15,000 to 20,000 (in total) would be considered successful.  Even if each book is priced at $50, that’s still only $75,000-$100,000 — not exactly money you can retire on — and that’s only if your book is a success.

Look, there are still plenty of local success stories out there, such as Rebecca James (author of Beautiful Malice), which I talked about in this post here.  But these are rare, rare cases.  It’s like winning the lottery.

Few authors can become international superstars like Meyer and Rowling, but there are many minor to moderately successful writers who have been snapped up for multiple book deals at a price equivalent to working in a decent job (say $100,000-$200,000 a year).  That’s a pretty comfortable living.

However, the pressure of churning out one or even two books a year could take the fun out of the writing, and more importantly, the quality of the books will suffer.  Can you imagine being contracted to write one book every 12 months, especially if you say took 5 years to write your first one?  Can you write one every 6 months, and expect to put in the same amount of effort and ensure the same level of quality as your previous books?

That’s exactly why we have so many reasonably well-known authors (not going to mention names) that seem to continuously bring out new books, but each one is worse than the next.  It gets people wondering why the quality of their new stuff is so much less inspiring than their old stuff.  But at the end of the day, they still sell, and that’s what publishers care about.  After all, they are the ones putting up the money.

So it’s hard to get an agent.  It’s hard to get published.  It’s hard to stay on the shelves.  It’s even harder to get republished.  The money is unlikely to be good.  And even if you do get signed for more books, it might not be exactly what you were hoping for.

And yet, despite all of this, I continue to write, and I continue to dream.  Why?  It reminds me of this awful movie I just watched (review coming shortly) where a woman says that her daughter is studying and wants to get into creative writing.  Her male companion is shocked and says, “But how is she going to make any money?”  The woman responds stoically, “She’s doing what she loves.”  I can relate to that.

Movie Review: The A-Team (2010)

August 3, 2010 in Movie Reviews

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t know much about the 80s series The A-Team upon which the new film of the same name was based.  I was familiar with Mr T, and my old boss had once referred to our particular team for a large legal transaction as “the A-Team” (apart from me, there were two other lawyers — one was a sexual deviant and the other was nicknamed “Freakshow” for his horrible BO, saliva spraying, flaky dandruff, and body hairs poking out of missed button holes), but that was the extent of my knowledge.

This new “A-Team” features Liam Neeson (how can you not like a guy who played Oscar Schindler, Qui-Gon Jinn and kicked serious butt in Taken?) as their leader “Hannibal”, rising star Bradley Cooper (The Hangover) as the slick “Face”, Sharlto Copley (District 9) as “Howling Mad” Murdoch, and MMA fighter Quinton “Rampage” Jackson as BA Baracus (the new Mr T).  These four dudes somehow come together and become extremely close (in condensed off-screen time), blowing things up and making wisecracks while they save the world from corrupt government officials and counterfeit money plates.

The A-Team is what it is.  An all-out, over-the-top action movie with a bunch of cool, wacky guys, a few rather tame/lame jokes, a couple of twists and turns in the plot, and lots and lots of explosions.  It starts with a bang and never lets the foot off the pedal.  Fun and exciting?  For the most part.  Engaging and riveting?  Not exactly.  As far as action movies go, I suppose it could have been a lot worse, but this was definitely no classic.  However, if you just want a couple of hours of light entertainment, The A-Team is actually quite up to the task.

Since I don’t know about the original there’s nothing to compare them to, but I think the chemistry is largely there for this crew.  I would say Jackson, not being a career actor and all, was the weakest link of the foursome.  He just looks uncomfortable out there churning out those lines.

To me, it was the villains that stole the show.  Patrick Wilson (super underrated actor) gets a pretty meaty role as a nasty but inept CIA Agent and seems to really enjoy being a douche, whereas Brian Bloom (I’ve seen him in Dollhouse and a bunch of other TV shows) unexpectedly excels as the evil private security dude.

On the other hand, Jessica Biel received a rather thankless role as the helpless agent on the side slash love-interest.  She was looking slim and pretty but that was about it.

Considering the “average” reception of the film at the box office, whether a sequel will be forthcoming remains to be seen.  In some ways The A-Team failed to live up to expectations because of the popularity of the original TV series, but in other ways it exceeded expectations because most people thought it would be complete trash (but it’s not).  Keep your expectations in check and go along for the ride.

3 stars out of 5

500 Posts!

August 2, 2010 in Blogging, Novel, On Writing, Study

Can you believe it?  This is my 500th post!

I started this blog on 11 January 2010 while I was (supposed to be) studying and bored out of my mind.  18 months, 420,000 hits and 1,200 comments later, I’m still studying (albeit a completely different field) — but the crucial difference is that I love what I’m doing.

Anyway, after a lengthy semester break (where I naturally did less writing than I intended do) I attended my first post-break class tonight.  Editing.  I took the elective because I thought it would be helpful for my writing (and in case I wanted to pursue a career in the publishing field).  So far, no complaints.

It was a little depressing to learn just how rough it is these days to crack into the publishing world, and how tough it is even if you do end up selling that first book (ie for most people there’s little money but lots and lots of pressure and stress), but the class was informative and fun.  We learned about the publishing hierarchy and the publishing process (I had no idea!).  We were getting real world and practical advice as opposed to merely theoretical advice.  Plus the readings have all been excellent pieces.  I never thought I’d say or admit this, but I’m enjoying studying.

On the writing front, not much progress on the novel(s), sadly, but I am finally making some progress on the non-fiction writing, getting my reviews and article ideas out to publications.  Still lots more to do, but it lLooks like I’m going to have a busy 6 months coming up.

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